Sometimes People Actually Ask Me for Advice and Sometimes I Just Stare Back at Them and Gawk

Once I month, I go to these networking events--lots of entrepreneurs, lots of introductions, lots of swapping of job descriptions with me standing there, usually glass-eyed, wondering if I'm actually supposed to understand the finer intricacies of investment banking.

(This is where the yummy buffet comes in handy. I like smoked salmon.)

Sometimes I get reciprocated upon. Not often, but enough. So I have a 30 second speech I give about what I do. And they usually say, "Neat," or if they don't have a mouthful of smoked salmon, "I wish I could write." To which I reply, "I'm glad you can't."

Well, not really.

But that usually rounds out my end of the conversation. Because I'm a writer and I'm better at "listening." Or because I'm socially inept. It can really go either way.

Last week, though, I entered one of these conversations empty plated. (I had just cleared it on an insurance broker.) He asked me what I do, I gave him my speech, and then he went off-script:

"So, tell me this, Sarah"--notice dropping of name, good networker that--"how can I become a better writer?"

He's supposed to give me the conversation closer, "I wish I could write." Then we could smile and make our mingling excuses and go on to other conversations and that Greek pasta salad that I haven't had a chance to try.

And I should have an answer for this. I teach writing. I should have some exercises in my purse--just let me go get those--that I can toss out to folks who want to improve their writing on the spot. Even at networking events. Because a good teacher never lets her guard down.

Or I could've given him a business card and told him I would guide him, for a fee, to a lucid style.

But instead I prattle something about reading a lot and getting an editor who's callous enough to give you a good smackdown, apparently not me since I followed that with a giggle and not my card. Because that's what professionals do when they're trying to teach or get business or make connections at networking events.

I have no social survival skills. I am a social moron.

So now I have to redeem myself. And since I can't talk my way out of it all impromptu-like, I'll have to craft it out here. Yeah, lucky you, I know.

Tip the First: Read good stuff--and read off script.

I have this theory about my personal word count. If I write too much stuff in a week, I run out of words, out of fresh ways to say things. So I read. Marketing brochures, ads, art reviews--things that are on script. And then I also go off the page, to things that I don't write. This afternoon I stocked up with Guy Gugliotta's "Mining for Dark Matter" in Discover and my supergem of the day, "50 Things Every Sportsman Should Know" in Field and Stream.

And so today, I may still not be able to network to save my life, but I might be able to survive a bear attack and I feel quite confident, given enough time, that I could start a fire with a Coke can and a Snicker bar.