How Do You Hold a Moonbeam in Your Hand?

I thought we started the morning well. We watched some morning cartoons, Finn had first and second breakfasts (the kid believes in breakfast), we headed off to school, and spent the car ride talking about the humorous implications of farce done well (or, what a thigh-slapper that Willy Wonka is. "'Member the turnover, mama?" "The somersault?" "The sobersalt! Now that was funny!")

We got to school, handed over a brand new, dayglo orange toothbrush to the teacher. Hugged. Kissed.

And then came the rain. The complete torrent: tears, crying, clinging.

Now, Finn's been going to preschool, and quite uneventfully, for about two years. So this isn't in his standard portfolio of morning behaviors. Sure, he's had school melts before (my child ain't perfect) but to the tune of, like, once a year (I guess we're due) and in the presence of teachers who quickly swoop in and solve the crisis for me.

But today, no such rescue. I was left to PARENT MY CHILD ON MY OWN.

It's difficult to comfort your child and back out of the door at the same time. Because, when it comes down to it, your leaving is the problem. So we talked about what he could. We read. We bargained. But still the rain came.

So I did what any parent would do. I ran for it. I walked him over to his teacher, with big, pleaful eyes--imagine Antonio Banderas' puss-in-boots--and I ran. Out the door. Into the car.

Yes. I feel incredibly guilty, rather useless, extremely ineffectual. You get the idea. I understand the manipulative powers of Four and a Half, but still, crying child is crying child and that don't get no easier.

So I sat in the car for a good 15. Thought about going into to rescue him and then thought about Finn as a 12 year old, excusing himself from school with a "tummy ache." And yet I still entertained the idea.

I called a couple of hours later and learned that Finn was in good hands. One of his classmates patted his head, reassured him, and read him a story. One of his Four and a Half classmates.

Dear Four and a Half: How I love you. In all your faces, in all your moods, in all your wonder. You are magic. You are beautiful.